1.  Fear of failure is just that…fear.

  • Some of my greatest triumphs began as failures.
  • Everything that has happened to me has brought me to who and where I am today.
  • What yardstick are you using to determine success? Does the yardstick include empathy, understanding, and most of all love?

2.  Testing just doesn’t happen in school…although school can be a test!

  • Kids who don’t like school sometimes think simply attending school is enough.  I value going to school, not cutting class, paying attention, and doing your school work!

3.  It’s okay to dream…just be prepared for life’s realities.

  • I’ve had to learn that my dreams for foster kids (and my own children) weren’t necessarily the dreams they had for themselves.

4.  Home should not be determined by nostalgia.

  • Rose colored glasses don’t always give an accurate picture of what it was really like at home.  
  • Don’t get so stuck in looking backwards at what was, that you don’t see what you now have.
  • Don’t feel guilty for being happy.

5.  Lesser offenses and choosing your battles wisely are a study in patience.

  • Which battlefield do you want to die on?

6.  Having a baby doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have someone to love you.

  • How about looking within to find someone who will love you?
  • How do you teach a foster child to love themselves if they have never known what love feels like?
  • How do I let go of being a ‘parent’ to my siblings?

7.  Kindred spirits can be great mentors if they have cleaned up their act and learned from their mistakes.

  • You can either be a wonderful example or a horrible warning.
  • Who understand better than someone who has walked in your shoes?

8.  When people are unkind just say, “Thank you for the lesson.  I couldn’t have learned it without you.

  • All of us are the ‘bad guy’ at one time or another…perhaps that was the role that helped someone else with one of life’s lessons.
  • Just try not to be the ‘bad guy’ very often.

9.  Forgiveness is a kindness all of us will need at one time or another, so practice it frequently.

  • Foster children have the most amazing ability to forgive their families of origin.
  • Better the devil you know than the one you don’t.  That’s why so many foster kids cling to their family of origin.

10.  Life goes on no matter what has happened.

  • Know that this too shall pass.
  • If what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, i should be made of steel!

11.  Attitude is everything!

  • A chip on your shoulder can really slow you down!
  • You can say so much more when you say it with a smile and an open heart.

12.  You are so much more than a label…borderline, bipolar, whatever!

  • Any one of us would be labeled with a mental health diagnosis at one time or another given the right circumstance.

13.  Tears do not a mother make…sometimes they make toxic love.

  • It’s not your job to be your ‘parent’s’ parent.
  • Learn to distinguish between pity and empathy.

14.  When you mess up, fess up.

  • It’s amazing how much easier life is when you’re not defensive.

15.  It takes real smarts to figure out when the dream has died.

  • Like the song says, “You have to know when to hold them and when to fold them.”
  • Letting to doesn’t always happen all at once.

16.  Celebrate the good times…don’t worry the bad times are just around the corner.

  • Progress comes in tiny little steps sometimes…celebrate the successes and try to minimize attention to the steps backwards.

17.  Insight comes in small steps, not gigantic leaps and bounds.

  • Don’t tell me how much you know until you show me how much you care.

18.  You can’t fix a ‘little crack’ (or any other substance abuse) in just one Step.

  • Substance abuse and compulsive behavior have a real purpose…they tell us when we’re hurting.
  • Know if you take one compulsive behavior away, acting out in another way will probably escalate.

19.  Live in the moment…faith and hope can move mountains.

  • Living from moment to moment is a great way to avoid baggage.
  • Without faith and hope, what do I have left?

20.  No matter what, don’t give up.

  • All roads lead to Rome.
  • What lessons I haven’t been able to teach you, life will…
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