Things Maggie Has Taught Me
1. Live in the Moment: Alcoholics Anonymous has a wonderful philosophy regarding “One Day at a Time.” I would like to suggest we live “One Moment at a Time.” So much of the time we are so busy either looking back at the past or looking forward to the future, we forget that all we truly have is the present moment. Maggie doesn’t worry where her next dog treat is coming from. She knows I will always do my best to take care of her. She is able to rest assured that tomorrow will take care of itself.
2. Love Overcomes Fear: Thunderstorms and rain are traumatic at our house, because Maggie is terrified of them. We have tried The Thunder Shirt (it didn’t do a thing except make Maggie feel hot), Prozac (yes, they give Prozac to dogs, but it didn’t help, although she did seem a little less depressed!), and a sedative for dogs. The sedative works, but I have to keep getting up off and on all night when Maggie jumps down off the bed (yes, she sleeps with me!) to get a drink of water so that she doesn’t go out the dog door without her Invisible Fence collar. I have found that if I hold Maggie next to me and she gets warm, she drifts off to sleep and forgets about the thunder, lightening, and wind. The love and comfort she feels from being next to me overcomes her fear of the storm.
3. Let Go of Grudges: Maggie has taught me to let bygones be bygones. That’s not to say that in the past I may have held onto a resentment I felt towards someone who I felt had wronged me, but I have worked very hard at letting go of the past. Grudges don’t hurt the person you hold them against, they hurt the person holding them.
4. When You’re Happy, Show It!: It’s okay to let other people know you’re happy. Dogs wag their tails and jump about when they are excited. Sometimes, we forget to fully enjoy the good things we are given. We trudge along every day never fully allowing ourselves to feel the enjoyment of being alive.
5. Be the Best You Possible: Dogs don’t try to imitate what other dogs look like. Maggie is a Shih Tzu. She doesn’t envy a Collie or a Poodle. She is happy being a Shih Tzu. She knows she has special talents and gifts only a Shih Tzu has. She may not be as fast as a Greyhound or as big as a Mastiff, but she is able to capitalize on how cute and cuddly she is.
6. Loyalty Matters: Maggie plays with everyone, but she knows when it’s time to leave for the day, she is coming home with me. She loves it when people pay attention to her, but when I pick up her leash, she’s ready to leave no matter what else is going on.
7. Never Stand When You Can Sit, Never Sit When You Can Lie Down, and Always Make Time for Belly Rubs: Maggie would be hard put to decide whether she likes dog treats or a belly rub more. It’s a sign of trust when she allows someone to rub her belly. You have to earn her trust. She doesn’t give trust to just anyone. We could learn a thing or two from her.
8. Listen to Your Body: Maggie drinks water when she’s thirsty. She lets me know when she’s hungry. She doesn’t look at the clock to decide if it’s time to eat or drink. She listens to her body.
9. Take Time to Play: We humans are so serious. As we grow older and accumulate more responsibility, we forget life is to be enjoyed. I have never heard of anyone on their death-bed saying they wish they had been more serious. I have heard a lot of older clients state one of their largest regrets is they didn’t live the life they had wanted, but did what someone else wanted them to do. When we enjoy what we do, it becomes more like play and less like work.
10. Persistence Pays Off: Maggie knows if she stares at me long enough and waits patiently, eventually she will wear me down. Maybe it’s the fact she is so patient and assumes I will give in, but it works every time!
11. Pay Attention to the People You Love: How many times have you caught yourself trying to win over people who don’t treat you well, while you take for granted the people who love you the most? This appears to be quite common among humans, but not dogs. Dogs pay attention to the people they love, because they know they people they love will pay attention to them. Lesson learned…
12. Love with Your Entire Being: When a dog loves you, you know it. They may play with other people, but when it really matters, they are there for you. Maggie loves everyone, but she knows we are a pair. When I leave the office for more than 45 minutes for lunch, she begins to whine. The secretaries have tried to reassure her I am returning, but it’s only when she hears my voice she calms down.She knows instinctively I love her as much as she loves me. I forget who owns whom…
Life Lessons from Foster Care
1. Fear of failure is just that…fear.
- Some of my greatest triumphs began as failures.
- Everything that has happened to me has brought me to who and where I am today.
- What yardstick are you using to determine success? Does the yardstick include empathy, understanding, and most of all love?
2. Testing just doesn’t happen in school…although school can be a test!
- Kids who don’t like school sometimes think simply attending school is enough. I value going to school, not cutting class, paying attention, and doing your school work!
3. It’s okay to dream…just be prepared for life’s realities.
- I’ve had to learn that my dreams for foster kids (and my own children) weren’t necessarily the dreams they had for themselves.
4. Home should not be determined by nostalgia.
- Rose colored glasses don’t always give an accurate picture of what it was really like at home.
- Don’t get so stuck in looking backwards at what was, that you don’t see what you now have.
- Don’t feel guilty for being happy.
5. Lesser offenses and choosing your battles wisely are a study in patience.
- Which battlefield do you want to die on?
6. Having a baby doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have someone to love you.
- How about looking within to find someone who will love you?
- How do you teach a foster child to love themselves if they have never known what love feels like?
- How do I let go of being a ‘parent’ to my siblings?
7. Kindred spirits can be great mentors if they have cleaned up their act and learned from their mistakes.
- You can either be a wonderful example or a horrible warning.
- Who understand better than someone who has walked in your shoes?
8. When people are unkind just say, “Thank you for the lesson. I couldn’t have learned it without you.
- All of us are the ‘bad guy’ at one time or another…perhaps that was the role that helped someone else with one of life’s lessons.
- Just try not to be the ‘bad guy’ very often.
9. Forgiveness is a kindness all of us will need at one time or another, so practice it frequently.
- Foster children have the most amazing ability to forgive their families of origin.
- Better the devil you know than the one you don’t. That’s why so many foster kids cling to their family of origin.
10. Life goes on no matter what has happened.
- Know that this too shall pass.
- If what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, i should be made of steel!
11. Attitude is everything!
- A chip on your shoulder can really slow you down!
- You can say so much more when you say it with a smile and an open heart.
12. You are so much more than a label…borderline, bipolar, whatever!
- Any one of us would be labeled with a mental health diagnosis at one time or another given the right circumstance.
13. Tears do not a mother make…sometimes they make toxic love.
- It’s not your job to be your ‘parent’s’ parent.
- Learn to distinguish between pity and empathy.
14. When you mess up, fess up.
- It’s amazing how much easier life is when you’re not defensive.
15. It takes real smarts to figure out when the dream has died.
- Like the song says, “You have to know when to hold them and when to fold them.”
- Letting to doesn’t always happen all at once.
16. Celebrate the good times…don’t worry the bad times are just around the corner.
- Progress comes in tiny little steps sometimes…celebrate the successes and try to minimize attention to the steps backwards.
17. Insight comes in small steps, not gigantic leaps and bounds.
- Don’t tell me how much you know until you show me how much you care.
18. You can’t fix a ‘little crack’ (or any other substance abuse) in just one Step.
- Substance abuse and compulsive behavior have a real purpose…they tell us when we’re hurting.
- Know if you take one compulsive behavior away, acting out in another way will probably escalate.
19. Live in the moment…faith and hope can move mountains.
- Living from moment to moment is a great way to avoid baggage.
- Without faith and hope, what do I have left?
20. No matter what, don’t give up.
- All roads lead to Rome.
- What lessons I haven’t been able to teach you, life will…