Things Maggie Has Taught Me
1. Live in the Moment: Alcoholics Anonymous has a wonderful philosophy regarding “One Day at a Time.” I would like to suggest we live “One Moment at a Time.” So much of the time we are so busy either looking back at the past or looking forward to the future, we forget that all we truly have is the present moment. Maggie doesn’t worry where her next dog treat is coming from. She knows I will always do my best to take care of her. She is able to rest assured that tomorrow will take care of itself.
2. Love Overcomes Fear: Thunderstorms and rain are traumatic at our house, because Maggie is terrified of them. We have tried The Thunder Shirt (it didn’t do a thing except make Maggie feel hot), Prozac (yes, they give Prozac to dogs, but it didn’t help, although she did seem a little less depressed!), and a sedative for dogs. The sedative works, but I have to keep getting up off and on all night when Maggie jumps down off the bed (yes, she sleeps with me!) to get a drink of water so that she doesn’t go out the dog door without her Invisible Fence collar. I have found that if I hold Maggie next to me and she gets warm, she drifts off to sleep and forgets about the thunder, lightening, and wind. The love and comfort she feels from being next to me overcomes her fear of the storm.
3. Let Go of Grudges: Maggie has taught me to let bygones be bygones. That’s not to say that in the past I may have held onto a resentment I felt towards someone who I felt had wronged me, but I have worked very hard at letting go of the past. Grudges don’t hurt the person you hold them against, they hurt the person holding them.
4. When You’re Happy, Show It!: It’s okay to let other people know you’re happy. Dogs wag their tails and jump about when they are excited. Sometimes, we forget to fully enjoy the good things we are given. We trudge along every day never fully allowing ourselves to feel the enjoyment of being alive.
5. Be the Best You Possible: Dogs don’t try to imitate what other dogs look like. Maggie is a Shih Tzu. She doesn’t envy a Collie or a Poodle. She is happy being a Shih Tzu. She knows she has special talents and gifts only a Shih Tzu has. She may not be as fast as a Greyhound or as big as a Mastiff, but she is able to capitalize on how cute and cuddly she is.
6. Loyalty Matters: Maggie plays with everyone, but she knows when it’s time to leave for the day, she is coming home with me. She loves it when people pay attention to her, but when I pick up her leash, she’s ready to leave no matter what else is going on.
7. Never Stand When You Can Sit, Never Sit When You Can Lie Down, and Always Make Time for Belly Rubs: Maggie would be hard put to decide whether she likes dog treats or a belly rub more. It’s a sign of trust when she allows someone to rub her belly. You have to earn her trust. She doesn’t give trust to just anyone. We could learn a thing or two from her.
8. Listen to Your Body: Maggie drinks water when she’s thirsty. She lets me know when she’s hungry. She doesn’t look at the clock to decide if it’s time to eat or drink. She listens to her body.
9. Take Time to Play: We humans are so serious. As we grow older and accumulate more responsibility, we forget life is to be enjoyed. I have never heard of anyone on their death-bed saying they wish they had been more serious. I have heard a lot of older clients state one of their largest regrets is they didn’t live the life they had wanted, but did what someone else wanted them to do. When we enjoy what we do, it becomes more like play and less like work.
10. Persistence Pays Off: Maggie knows if she stares at me long enough and waits patiently, eventually she will wear me down. Maybe it’s the fact she is so patient and assumes I will give in, but it works every time!
11. Pay Attention to the People You Love: How many times have you caught yourself trying to win over people who don’t treat you well, while you take for granted the people who love you the most? This appears to be quite common among humans, but not dogs. Dogs pay attention to the people they love, because they know they people they love will pay attention to them. Lesson learned…
12. Love with Your Entire Being: When a dog loves you, you know it. They may play with other people, but when it really matters, they are there for you. Maggie loves everyone, but she knows we are a pair. When I leave the office for more than 45 minutes for lunch, she begins to whine. The secretaries have tried to reassure her I am returning, but it’s only when she hears my voice she calms down.She knows instinctively I love her as much as she loves me. I forget who owns whom…
When Love Dies
Although the heart has a tremendous ability to love, in some people it also has the equal ability to be self-serving and cruel. I have had clients who have been married a relatively short time who have managed to rip each other to shreds emotionally. Some dates last longer than some marriages.
What troubles me the most are the clients who have marriages of long duration who fall victim to affairs and treachery. One client in particular concerned me. It was a client who had been married for over thirty years whose husband had left her penniless while he had transferred all of their financial assets into his name alone. The woman had no job skills and no contacts outside of her relationship with her soon to be ex-husband and their child.
When I first met this client, her life was totally in shambles. She mourned the loss of her “perfect” family and the life style they had once enjoyed. As we talked, I had the unfortunate task of informing my client that nothing in her marriage was as it had seemed.
People in “perfect” marriages don’t leave their partner penniless and take to living with another woman.
As we talked, my client began to calm down and listen to what I was telling her. I told her she was mourning an illusion that hadn’t existed for years. She needed to be practical and find a way to support herself and her child if she was going to exist in any sort of fashion.
One of the biggest things I was able to do was to call my former clients who all were members of The First Wives Club. I don’t know if you are familiar with the movie of the same name. It starred several popular female stars that joined forces when their spouses left them for younger women. Because of their friendship, the women were able to prosper and totally make their ex-husband’s lives miserable.
I am by no means a man hater. In fact, I like men and wouldn’t want to live without the opposite sex. I do dislike cruelty and dishonesty regardless of the gender of the person. Be they men or women we owe it to our partners to be honest and kind.
What became of this client? She went on to live a life filled with friends and things she enjoyed. She had to develop some job skills which she was able to do in short time. More than anything, she learned that she didn’t have to stay in a marriage where she wasn’t loved or treated well.
What became of all the money her husband had absconded with? Let’s just put it this way…that’s why God created forensic accountants. Never underestimate the power of a group of women when they have been wronged.
Why can’t we live by the Golden Rule? Why is it when we leave childhood behind, we also leave behind all the moral and values some of us are taught? When love dies, kindness and compassion sometimes fall by the wayside.
If you are in a good relationship, give your partner a big hug and tell him or her how much they mean to you. Never take your relationship for granted. Treat your partner like you would like to be treated and never ever be too busy for your friends!
I Understand Grace
I’ve never been particularly religious, although I do believe in a Higher Power. I see God everywhere. When a family comes in for treatment who has been through a horrendous occurrence or someone has endured after the worst possible loss, I see how God has helped them get through the most difficult of times. I have experienced this in my own life. I see God in a child’s eyes when they are bewitched by the magic of life. As adults, we sometimes have lost the ability to witness just what a miracle life really is.
I’ve never been able to understand exactly what the term “grace” meant, though. To me grace was something that was said before a meal to give thanks to God for His (or Her… I refuse to give up the idea that God might be feminine) bounty. After much time and thought, I finally think I have discovered what grace really is.
Whenever someone has something wonderful happen to them, others who are less fortunate might be envious and ask, “Why them and not me?” To me this is where grace enters in. Despite all of the short comings each one of us possess, God still sees fit to bless us with wonderful things… even though we might not have earned it. What a miserable world this would be if we only received that which we have earned! If we were honest with others (and especially ourselves), we will quickly realize all of our frailties.
We need to step back and allow others to be blessed with God’s grace. Put envy and greed aside and really rejoice with others when they are blessed with good fortune. Our turn will come also. Each one of us gets our fair share of joy and sorrow. By allowing others to enjoy their good fortune, we demonstrate that we have no need to be envious or greedy. We can rest assured that we too shall share in God’s bounty.
Grace…what a wonderful comfort to realize that despite all of our pettiness, God still loves and values us. Now if only we could learn to do that ourselves!
Medical Jargon… Huh?
Did you ever wonder what all the jargon a doctor of therapist uses really means? So do we! One day one of our therapists, Bill, and one of our secretaries were out in the secretary’s office discussing a report Bill was doing regarding an adolescent who had some substance abuse issues. Come to think of it, tell me how many teenager you don’t who don’t have issues whether they are related to substance abuse or any other kind of problem.
Bill was sighing as he told our secretary, “How do I say it is not atypical for a teenager to experiment with some sort of alcohol?” Our secretary replied, “Are you attempting to say it’s not typical for a teenager to experiment with alcohol?” To which Bill replied, ” No. I’m trying to say it’s not atypical for a teenager to experiment with alcohol.”
The puzzled look on our secretary’s face said it all. “Wait a minute. Are you saying it is not not atypical or do you mean it’s typical?” she asked. My office door was open while all this was transpiring, and I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. Believe me, with all the stuff that happens around our office, I have no need to eavesdrop!
“What are the two of you trying to say in the report? That it’s not typical for a teenager to experiment with alcohol? Or are you saying that it is typical for a teenager to experiment with alcohol?” I asked.
“What does atypical mean?” our secretary asked. She was always ready to cut to the heart of any matter. “Let me look it up and see exactly what it means,” she said as she went to the computer. “Okay, here it is. Atypical means something that’s not typical.” She leaned back in her chair with a sigh of satisfaction.
“So, I want to say that it’s not not atypical for a teenager to experiment with alcohol, right?” Bill said. By this time Bill was getting really frustrated with the conversation.
This entire conversation was getting too deep for the three of us. You would think three grown well-educated professionals with all sorts of tools at their disposal would be able to write one brief report without all of this confusion.
“Bill, are you trying to say it wouldn’t be unusual for this teenager to experiment with alcohol just like other teenagers do?” I asked. I was getting really confused by this entire conversation.
“Yes, that’s it! That’s exactly what I’m trying to say!” Bill exclaimed. You would have thought I had discovered the cure for cancer with the joyful reaction he gave me.
“Then just say it’s not unusual for a teenager to experiment with alcohol,” I suggested. Bill and our secretary looked at me like I had three heads.
“But don’t I have to use the correct terminology in the report?” Bill asked. Our secretary shook her head in agreement.
“Not if you’re not sure what the person reading the report is going to think if you meant something one way and they took it another,” I answered.
“You mean if I meant a thing one way and the person reading the report read I meant it another way differently than what I originally meant it?” Bill asked. Oh, no, here we go again I thought. I could see another confusing conversation heading my way.
“Just say it’s not unusual for a teenager to experiment with alcohol,” I sighed. I was not going to get into another conversation regarding linguistics or semantics. Besides, I didn’t know the answer. By this time my head was spinning. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember what the question had been either.
Linguistics or semantics…I didn’t understand fully what they were either. I was definitely not going to try to explain them to Bill or the secretary. “I have a lot of phone calls to return and paperwork to finish,” I said as I gently closed my door. It’s a wise person who learns when to admit defeat I thought as I walked to my desk and opened my appointment book. I would save this battle for another day.